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Common Traits of Parents with happy and successful kids

Dec 11th, 2018

Every other day in my office I meet at least one parent who feels my counselling room could be his/her venting room. It just goes on and on…..

‘My son can’t get up in the morning on his own..
My daughter is just glued to her smart phone, Raghav just does not have the self-motivation to perform in class…
I do not know what will my child do in life.’ They are definitely not those 1% kids who are passionate and self motivated.

As a counsellor, I often meet the same kids in our mentorship program. They complete the task assigned on their own, show excitement and energy in abundance when they are with us. Sometimes, they do need little motivation but I would strongly disagree with their parents’ statement that they are not self-motivated. They are self-motivated for things they like, things they are convinced about.
I have many other stories of kids who think they don’t get their space to think on their own, they feel they are being micromanaged etc.
And then I meet a very different category of families where parents are closely involved but kids are not micromanaged.
After meeting with many kids, parents and listening to so many stories, I want to share my two bits: common traits of parents whose kids are super organised, self-motivated, doing brilliantly in all aspects of life including academics, sports etc.

They are not Helicopter Parents

They believe in guiding a child, ensuring they have been looked after, but they do not micro-manage. When I say micromanage means they do not take hourly report what child has done and what has been missed, they give freedom to the child to choose and make the right choices. They do not live with the fear of what if my child fails. They believe, ‘if my child fails, I have faith my child will come back stronger having learnt from the mistake.’ Isn’t this an important characteristic to possess?

They believe and respect

Yes, these parents believe in their kids, they do not doubt, they allow their kids to take their decisions, small decisions like which classes to join etc. Above all, these kids are well respected, parents take their opinion in making important decisions, they treat their kids the way they expect kids to treat them.

They do not Panic

This is an extremely important quality of the parents. No matter what, these parents know how to resolve any issue, no matter how small or big it is, they know how to handle all kinds of situations without panic. They are super calm.

Moms have their own Goals

We know how important a mother’s role is in the upbringing of the child. This does not mean that fathers do not contribute but the kind of eco system we have especially in India, mom’s involvement is little more than fathers in most of the families. Hence many times when we meet the child we see a mirror image of mother in the belief systems and ways of working.
Moms who have their own ambitions, goals, desires and agendas become their kid’s role models. If you really want your child to have their own goals and ambitions, ensure you have your own goals and desires and you do not give that up because of the child. They will follow their path. Set an example with your own goals to have your kids equally passionate towards their goals.

Child is not their project

These parents have many other things to do other than making kids a project or their education a project. Children are important part of their lives and they take every single step required for their success. However, that’s not the whole sole agenda, they do not idolise others or compare with other kids, they just go with the flow and pace of their own child.

Equal importance to fun

They are equally focussed on kids’ emotional well-being at every stage, their kids play during exams. They do not have a restrictions list of what not to do during exams. Exams are considered a part of life and it is a step towards everyday exams of real life. They give equal importance to jokes, laughter and some really silly teenage stuff.

They receive the first call

Yes, this is the most important aspect. Their kids know no matter what, ‘we can call our parents anytime in any situation.’ They will never be judgemental and these parents receive the first call when their kids feel low or stuck in unwanted situations.

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